One Last Time

What do you do when the one thing you treasure most feels like it's slipping away like water through your fingers?

You want to hold on, but the forces are against you?

How do you stop the pulsing pain each time you take a breath?

And when I'm Sorry can't unbreak the heart?

Paternal Betrayl

I have a father, sad to say, who thinks that by never being there in my childhood and then abandoning my brother and I to start another family is his definition of being a good father.
He shamelessly believes that his good for nothing home wrecker companion is in the right to threaten his own daughter with matters that are family ties. She is nothing but a foreigner - intrusive - in the most polite terms and she feels that she is noble enough to speak up about my relationship with my father because it is negatively affecting her mood.
I have a warning for any fathers out there that feel that neglect and lack of attention for your children will be rewarded by respect from them when they grow up. You are wrong. If you never gave them a reason to respect you and look up to you, they will not.
And a warning to those selfish, me-first attitude people out there who think you can take whatever you want and not suffer the consequences. Breaking up another's family is not something to be prideful of - you have done nothing but destroyed your own damned integrity.
My anger spews out towards all those conceited individuals out there that take no responsibility for their own actions and feel that they deserve a pat on their back for doing nothing to better this world.
SHAME ON YOU!

Today - that is my rant.
Tomorrow - I will tell you what I learnt about the Automotive Industry

Hello Teacher, Tell Me What's My Lesson

I've realized that when your world is crumbling there are always two kinds of people in your closest vicinity: The ones that try and help hold the walls up and the ones that push the walls down to crash on you harder. The ones that try and help hold you and pull you out of the rubble, does not point a finger at you as to why your world is crumbling and why you are so weak beneath the rubbles. The other, well if they are piling the bricks on top of you, I think that it is obvious what they are and are not doing.

Is it fair to judge the homeless man begging for his next dollar when you have no idea his circumstances and why he is where he is? Would it help him to be criticized if all he needs to survive is one more meal? The world has enough cynicism, hypocrisy and hate and definitely not enough of empathy, understanding and love.

Looking on a smaller scale, often times in each of our lives, the people you cherish most are the first to point, stare and laugh. It is an irony because these same people willingly reach out their hand to strangers. Is it really only because you love them that you dare to hurt them? Has society twisted our minds so badly that we believe that those dearest to us deserve the least respect, least empathy, least understanding and worst yet should be taken for granted most often?

We are where we are in life because of our circumstances and because of our choices. Often in retrospect we realize we've made mistakes, but it is never wise to project our errors on others and make them the scapegoat for our own imperfections.

A man once said: you are free to judge me if you yourself are without fault. Until you remove the speck from your eye, do not be so arrogant to believe you can help others in removing theirs.
~Take THAT with a grain of salt

Hollywood Moment

The music slowed
The crowd stood still
And for a moment the stars aligned into perfection
Two hearts skipped a beat
An instant connection was made

It doesn't just happen in Hollywood girls!

Last Night's Demon Chasing Me

Open wide, demon face
Down the rabbit hole esophagus
Into a fiery burning hell
That Echos
Magnetic pulls, delusions
Very convincing to follow
Not today, not tomorrow
Cannot drown my sorrows
Cannot steal my soul

Artistically Speaking

I started a project of very great artistic proportion.
However, my computer is in surgery and I can't track it's progress.
And...
I lost a paint brush in my room which cost me $57.49 to purchase...
In looking for it, I found:

• a sock
• a cordless phone
• my favorite pencil (lost about a year ago)
• numerous hair ties
• a puzzle
• The book "choke" - always wondered where that went
• an expired yogurt (fortunately unopened)

More of an Effort

The newest dilemma is this:
Should I put more of an effort into being nicer to stupid people
or
Should I put more of an effort into ignoring and not condoning their behaviors?

I ask this only because Einstein pointed out to me that supidness is limitless... which would mean my efforts would have to be limitless for those who wish to be perpetually... well... stupid.
But then that would mean I lack drive to excel if I don't try - or maybe that's just a stupid thought.
HA.
Irony capitalized.
This is what happens on a Friday afternoon when I'm thinking about indulging my semi-alcoholic behaviors.
OK. That's an exaggeration... not the indulging part though.

Be Like Me

There are people so desperate for the approvals of others that they will go out of their way to look just like them... except what they don't realize is what a complete idiot they turn out to be and end up losing even more of the little respect they originally had.
I don't need to put names to incidences... but let's just say I came to work today to find that I had a supposed twin. And needless to say, I was not amused. I laughed just a little bit as not to stir up trouble. But I laughed.

Heaven Meet Me

This is a sugar apple.
A long time favorite of mine.
Today after over 10 years of being apart, we were re-united.
At a cost, but nonetheless.
Heaven on Earth.

Read all about it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sugar-apple

Can I Plug?

I was at Starbucks today and happily found 2 plugs in the wall to use because I needed them.
I had my headphones off - hoping to deter any comments/questions/conversations/anything requiring my acknowledgment as I worked to restore my computer.
This weird little man comes and sits down with me and tries to talk with me and I mean WEIRD. I tried to pretend I didn't hear him the first time, but he actually waved at me in front of my screen.
He said I see you're working hard and the internet is working. HUH?
I have an air card, but I didn't get into that. I barely smiled and shoved the ear phones back into my ear hoping it was a sign I did not want to talk.
Then he waved me again and said "can I plug? can I plug" pointing to the plug.
Normally I have more patience than this, but if I'm plugged into both sockets don't you think there's a reason? There are no signs in Starbucks that says I need to SHARE. AND he did not purchase anything. I bought an effing six dollar frappa something or another just to use the plug & be left in peace.
Because of his frantic waving I ended up leaving and sitting in my car going about my business.
Why are some people SO clueless?

Skinny Jeans

So... What's the skinny on skinny jeans?? Did designers realize not everyone in anorexic? Maybe I'm the only that's not... In fact it's not even about being fat because I'm not, but I have a butt... and I like my butt, on most days, but today, I tried those skinny jeans on... and let me tell you, I got them on alright, but I was literally rolling on the floor of the change room - which anybody knows is really not all that big - trying to peel them off. I guess that's what I get for trying to follow a stupid fad.
Note: No offense to all those who look great in them! :)

Libra (Sept. 23 — Oct. 23)

You are getting the same obvious view of a crucial picture each time you look at it. There is something behind all this. That something is what you sorely need to see more clearly. Put your eyes and mind on alert full alert today.

730

I went for a drive to clear the congestion in my head.
I got on the highway and for about 6 exits all that was in front of me was congestion. Almost 1/2 hour stuck in traffic at 11:00pm.

If you can't laugh at the ironies in my life, I don't know what else there is to do.

I drove to Ajax and decided gas was $102.9 last I checked and I did not want to pay so much to gas up. I turned around and my street is also CONGESTED... everybody's cars were parked on the road because their drive ways were being paved.

Seriously.

Facetious Life

You know clowns are supposed to make people laugh - their life (or at least work life) is nothing much but a big laughable joke.

Today I found out, mine [non-work] life it nothing but a facetious remark in the grand scale of time. Ironically my work life is what's giving me purpose. Nothing else.

God expressed his sense of humor in assembling a creature that is a little bit mammal (the platypus, a native to Australia, produces milk and is furry), a little bit reptile (it lays eggs and has venom, released from spurs in the hind legs) and a little bit bird (eggs again, plus it has a bill like a duck as well as webbed feet). He needed a human version and he made me.

103.5 and Empty

8:22am Gas tank empty
8:27am Sunoco @ 95.6
8:33am Started car after "filling" $10 at $103.5. Gas light still on.
8:34am Re-started car, gas light... still on.

9.56 litres of gas got me from VERY empty to empty.
At least my car is supposed to go at least 100 km on 10 litres of gas. SUPPOSED to.

Today felt like one of those United Way commercials. Gas to get to work, or eat. No choice but to to go work...

... in this economy...

Another Day

There's only us
There's only this
Forget regret
Or life is yours to miss
There's only yes
Only tonight
We must let go
To know what's right

What does it mean when you're too tired to argue for what should be yours?
When your life becomes a favour to the rest of the world, what do you do?
If you sow and there's no crop, does that make you a failure?
How do you justify begging for something that shouldn't need to be begged for?
Where is the top of the world when all you know is the bottom?
Do you believe in serendipity if it doesn't believe in you?

Trailer Park @ the Ball Park

I was at the ball game today. It was terribly boring - the ball game part. But I was privileged (some would use other words) to be sitting in front of about 5-6 friends who sounded like they were straight out of the Trailer Park boys... with one of them even named Ricky! HA!
The topics of conversation were so philosophical... the biography of each player, some guy who should focus on getting his education, buying a sunfire (not sure why anybody would), telling newfie jokes - although the guy telling it sounded like he was a newfie himself. Does that mean he's just merely telling a joke?
Anyway - just my luck to be stuck in front of a bunch of weirdos for 3 hours listening to the most absurd topics of conversation... do people realize they sound stupid?
OH and obviously - only me... I got kneed in the back of the head by "Ricky" - figures.

Children...

i haven't slept for 2 weeks because of the topic of children.
no i'm not married.
no i haven't been asked either.
but i've been asked to have children.
to carry a family name.
is that something to ponder?

Don't Push Me

I was driving down Meadowvale, about to turn left onto Old Finch when all of a sudden the sky flashed pink, a single lightning bolt lit the sky commanding silence. The street lights dimmed their glare in reverence and all was still and dark. I, on the other hand, almost had a heart attack from the sudden pinkness and then the absence of street lights.

Considering the speed at which your life is moving, a gentle nudge would be all it takes to radically alter your trajectory. One such small adjustment could have unexpected consequences. For the next day or so, slow down.

Wednesday

today i sat in the garage for 2 hours to do work.
the garage was the only place i could find quiet.
in the garage, in my parked car, in the dark, on my computer, doing work.